top of page
  • Michaela Patel


Relatioships aren't easy, are they? Relating to another implies constant negotiations. Push and pull. Give and take.

Based on simple physics and experience my logic tells me, and I am sure you will agree with this too, that if you HAVEN'T got much to give from, you end up taking. I am not referring to posessions here but to TRUE WEALTH: the completeness of our heart, wisdom of our mind, and the maturity of our soul. I am sure you would tell me from your own experience that clearly some people are poorer than others in this respect...

Those who's 'generosity' has strings attached have a single agenda: TO GET something back. The emptier the heart and the 'smarter', rather then wiser, the mind, the more one has to manipulate others to get what s/he needs.

Have you ever asked yourself 'What am I getting from being in a relationship?'

It could be love, or just it's illusion. It could be care and support, or just your wishful thinking.

We all have our EXPECTATIONS, driven by our unfulfilled childhood needs and insecurities. We have IDEAS about how love looks like. We know the concept, but we rarely know the real thing. And this is when our relationships become the source of pain and disappoinment.

Clutching on straws when flicking through countless dating profiles we try to convince ourselves that true love is just a date away. We run away from our feelings of loneliness, rushing into yet another relationship. What we, however, fail to realise is that the reason we keep failing at relationships is because we haven't mastered the basics: THE RELATIONSHIP WITH OURSELVES.

Many relationships struggle to survive because there is no solid base to share, and no anchor to rely on due to little experiece of what true and authentic giving is.

The end of our relationship is a fantastic opportunity to finally stop running away from ourselves.

The power TO CHOOSE ONESELF MUST BE PRACTICED before entering a relationship with another. Because only then our choices are authentic. Because only then being truly loving and giving comes from a different place than that of powerlessness. Because only then our choices aren't driven by the fear of rejection or abandonment.

We are truly powerful only when we are confident to choose freely, no longer needing to manipulate others by offering our 'YES' when we really mean 'NO'.

The power to authentically choose must be first practiced WITHIN: we choose ourselves with love, respecting our true desires and needs. Banishing self-neglect we learn to truly care and cherish ourselves. This is where true happiness comes from, which in turn builds trust in our own ability to look after ourselves. Knowing that no matter what is going on on the outside, we have our INNER ANCHOR, feeling respected, safe and peaceful.

What happens when we turn our back on ourselves?

When we run away from ourselves, we meet exactly those guys who are running away from themselves too. They want to feel adored and loved because they have rejected the part of themselves they prefer to hide. Wearing a MASK in public for acceptance they want others to care for them because they neglect themselves within. Like little crying children who are hurt they are looking for their parent to hold and console them.

This is why we sometimes feel more like their parents than partners, mentally and emotionally drained...

To be fair to us, no one has taught us about our hurting Inner Child, about our emotional wounds, self-rejection, self-abandonment, and that we are in a need of HEALING. We were made to feel that there is something the matter with us, which is what made us feel deeply unworthy of all the things we are looking to find in our partner.

I only hope that from reading this, before saying 'YES' to yet another relationship, you will be able to check in with yourself and make sure you are no longer saying 'NO' to you.

Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.

Copyright © 2017 Michaela Patel

bottom of page