Attraction, seemingly powered by love, is frequently fuelled by our INSECURITIES...
To truly love others you do not need to be attracted to them. Period. In a relationship, attraction is a function of true love - NOT the other way around. True love grows in time because it takes time to develop true connection. Which 'turns on' (no pun intended) our attraction based in truth, reality.
True love cannot grow on grounds of attraction alone. What reliably buds there however, are illusions, selfish pursuits and drama, producing tuns of pain and disappointment.
Consider this: We love ourselves, our children, our friends, our pets, without attraction existing. Yet when it comes to our partner we somehow feel this NEEDS to be at the forefront for us to create a solid relationship. We fear that if we cannot sleep with our partner our relationship will fall apart. And it will! But for a very different reason, where our lack of attraction is just its SYMPTOM, not its cause...
We have to be really honest with ourselves if and why we are after just sex, or if what we desire is the feeling of closeness. INTIMACY is a crucial, preceding component in forming a healthy human relationship. Just because we are perfectly capable of exhibiting an animal like behaviour without a hint of emotional involvement doesn't mean that it is what we deep down desire.
Are you aware that even though you are purely after sex/physicality you are really after the feeling of closeness, only not believing you deserve it?
When we are cut of from our emotional feedback due to past emotional trauma, we seek sex because we are incapable of intimacy. Our desires, which we have no awareness of (because we never question them unless we find ourselves in a therapy room), are driven by many false concepts. We don't know for example that our INNATE VALUE, our worth, is projected from others ACCEPTING US because we are incapable of doing so for ourselves. Incapable of managing our emotions, we practice shutting them down in order to avoid pain. Yet practicing emotional denial, makes us further unable to heal our sense of deep unworthiness.
Undeserving of true love and connection, we battle abandonment issues since childhood. We inflate our sense of IMPORTANCE through the number of people we sleep with, and every EMOTIONALLY DETACHED encounter only further validates that we don't deserve any better.
Is it possible that you are scared of love because you do not have the tools to deal with the emotional implications of being vulnerable with another?
Is it quite likely that you are battling acceptance issues?
Continue to part 2 here.
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel