UNDERSTANDING SELF-REJECTION 1
How are we meant to feel loved when we reject ourselves few times a day?
It starts as soon as we wake up and walk into the bathroom: ‘OMG I look awful !’
A new wrinkle, red pimple, or a grey hair is a reason for us to say ‘I CANNOT LOVE YOU...’
Wow... How shallow have we become?! Is this how would we treat our siblings, our parents, our children? Would this be a reason for us not to love them? Or would it be insignificant, something which may be an expected part of life and absolutely nothing to do with how we feel about them? If anything we would say ‘I know you for so long and I am happy to have you. You have been through so much and I am grateful that you are doing so well. Thank you!'. How about that?
But no, the self-critique and put downs continue throughout the day. ‘I am so stupid I have... and I am now late for work’ ‘I am such an idiot I haven’t….I am going to look like...'. Feeling miserable about ourselves we have to offload our frustrations onto others. If not on our way to work, it happens when we get there. We feel others are being irritating, bothering us with inappropriate stuff. Having had no patience with ourselves, we have no patience with anyone else calling them stupid too.
At the same time we find it hard to assert ourselves in situations where others are being clearly disrespectful. We are unable to stand up for ourselves in a calm manner causing a public scene or allowing our rage to eat us on the inside. 'S/he has the audacity to treat me like this!? How dare s/he!? Only I am allowed to put myself down and call myself names...'
Our lives cannot be happy, nor peaceful, because of our INTERNAL WAR as the lack of understanding ourselves brings along much self-abuse and drama. The way we treat others is a mere reflection of how we treat ourselves.
The amount of drama and conflicts you are experiencing are in direct proportion to your inner conflicts.
If you spoke to yourself with kindness, other's ludicrous accusations and judgemental talk wouldn't have such power over you. Firstly, you wouldn't take them to heart because you would clearly know who you are and are not. Secondly, you would understand (having been there yourself) that others are only acting from their own pain and frustrations, not knowing how to manage their emotions, channelling them in destructive ways. They, too, have been abusing themselves long enough so it is OK to abuse those around them.
When we go against ourselves (when we cross our inner boundary of what we deem OK for
ourselves) we feel uneasy, discontent, and angry. The more we go against ourselves by consenting to things we would rather say NO to, the more we destroy our inner boundaries and dishonour the relationship we have with ourselves. With the rise of our self-resentment the love we have for ourselves declines. The anger we feel towards ourselves for SELF-BETRAYAL is eating us on the inside. In time, and with repetition, the relationship we have with ourselves turns sour...
We don't care about how we feel anymore. Ignoring our inner voice, we emotionally abandon ourselves. Our logic takes over and our heart hardens. SELF-HATRED for abandoning ourselves is the final result. The many distractions and addictions we turn to in order to escape our ongoing inner dis-ease, our pain, are the symptoms of our ill relationship with ourselves.
Can you relax without having a drink/cigarette/legal or illegal medication/drugs? Are you comfortable with silence without needing to be preoccupied with TV/games/social media? Do you find time alone without your children/partner/friends unbearable?
Contine to part 2.
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2017 Michaela Patel