BOUNDARIES 3 - YOUR ANGER
Those who’s boundaries have been consistently crashed on one end build a REACTIONARY boundary to overcompensate for the lack of space in that particular area. Their newly established boundary is so OUT THERE that they are bound to be bumped into more often by others.
Healthy boundary isn't overcompensated, nor non-existent.
Where we realised our boundaries have been squashed as children, or adolescents, we have built our walls further away from where would our healthy boundary be. We believe that this larger space keeps us protected, yet others seem to be crossing us quite often as we take a lot of what they do, or say, personally.
On the other hand, where we haven’t realised our boundary has been broken we are open to others coming really close, exploiting our territory, and allowing behaviours which futher damage our sense of worth.
Main symptom of our boundaries being overly out there is our anger expressed OUTWARD.
We get crossed very easily, often annoyed, triggered. We are very REACTIVE to others, unaware how AUTOMATIC our reactions really are, we flip readily. Being territorial, we stubbornly dwell on our ways of being, which makes us really inflexible and closed to maturation. We falsely believe that the only way to feel safe is to bear our teeth at others as growing up in an overbearing environment this was the only way our Inner Child felt safe.
If you are tired from endlessly 'protecting' yourself, and wish to become better at expressing yourself, please read part 2.
But anger is also a hallmark of our boundary being NON-EXISTENT. This time our anger is directed INWARD.
Frequent symptoms of non-existing boudaries are:
1/ Endless COMPROMISING to keep the peace and in an attempt to make others happy.
2/ EXCUSING others behaviour towards us even though we couldn't imagine treating them the same.
3/ Deep sense of discontentment after an interaction with others, feeling DRAINED from constant giving.
Because we don't like to admit that we ALLOW them to exploit our territory and our good nature, we make up various ideas, excusing them for how they are being.
The easiest way to check if you are making things up in your mind to lessen the pain of disappointment in others, is to imagine one of your closest friends/family are behaving the exaxt same way towards you. And yes, it will hurt to accept it at first, but if you don't you are CONSENTING to others treating you in ways which are less than respectful, loving and considerate. Remember, things will get temporarily worse before they can get better. Before you feel more peaceful and content, because you are no longer going against you.
Particularly those of us who are highly sensitive (HSPs, Empaths) and considerate towards others feelings will inadvertently find this process painful.
It is because we go through a rollercoaster of anger at them, then anger at ourselves, feeling guilty for being what we aren't (not loving). Our guilt tricks us into thinking that we are bad, hence not expressing ourselves in ways we truly desire. When we try to stand up for ourselves we think of others, and how they feel. We think of them as the 'weaker ones', often swallowing our own needs. For the sake of helping them, we abandon ourselves, not understanding that by doing so we weaken ourselves on the inside, as the resentment towards ourselves for self-betrayal grows...
Know that by expressing yourself truthfully, respecting your true desires, you are not being selfish but generous, respectful and loving towards you. You are being AUTHENTIC to yourself. And those who truly love, respect and care for you, won't wish any less for you!
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2017 Michaela Patel