LOVE ME PLEASE!
'I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED !' our Inner Child screams when feeling lonely, misunderstood, or rejected.
This has happened to all of us at some point whilst growing up, and it has followed most of us well into adulthood. Craving distractions with things and people, we fear being alone.
Yet solitude, quiet space of inner reflection where we hear ourselves out, is THE answer to our deep discontentment. Our Inner Child has been crying long enough but we turned the volume UP in our heads, in an attempt to silence it. By not attending to our basic NEED OF BEING HEARD, treating ourselves with ignorance, we have no other choice but to seek attention and care elsewhere. Because we are so desperate on the inside, it shows on the outside as our desperate attempts to find love and acceptance in another.
The solution to our NEEDINESS is simple...
Those of us who haven't felt loved as children battle acceptance issues. This shows in various areas of our adult lives:
2/ Confusing attraction with love, needing to be in a relationship; building our relationships on superficial values, attracting insecure and wholly confused people who are similarly desperate to find what we are looking for.
3/ Collecting valuables and money to elevate our sense of value; climbing the ladder to power to feel in charge on the outside, having no control over the chaos on the inside.
4/ Wanting to look good in front of others, worrying about their opinion and our appearance; fighting ageing, ending up attracting those who only like what we are selling: OUR PRETENDING.
How do we get out of this mess? How do we heal our acceptance issues?
By UNDERSTANDING them.
Yes, we have to understand them in depth, and how they unknowingly drive our behaviour due to us believing in lies. Firstly we need to accept that what we were doing until now has NOT brought us long term satisfaction. That by continuing in this self-destructive nonsense (which businesses and advertising industry largely feed on) we are further separating ourselves from TRUE happiness.
I like you to get that the answer to your INNER unsatisfaction with yourself, isn't on the OUTSIDE of you! That for some reason you find it hard to accept YOU as you are...
Yes, as children, we ASSUME a lot. Others treatment is all about us: about how 'bad' and 'not good enough' we are. 'It is all your fault!' we have been told. Do you remember that one?
To be fair it wasn't all our fault. Our parents were insecure. They had no clue about how their lack of emotional awareness is affecting their mood and that they are indeed taking their inner misery out on us. Their behaviour had NOTHING to do with us - all children misbehave!
We are the teachers of our children. We are here to coach them to understand their emotions, and our boundaries. For them to grow up in happy and secure individuals we must treat them with love and respect, modelling emotional regulation and self-love.
But how can we, when we rejected ourselves?
Do you like to hear how great you are? Do you like to be recognised, famous?
Do you feel the need to prove yourself to your partner, your children, your boss, your parents?
Every day is a competition. Aren't you TIRED? Could you do with relaxing into who you are finally?
Imagine there is just you on the whole planet. No one you need to prove yourself to, no one to judge you... How would you feel?
Stay with that feeling for a while to realise how FREEING this reality really is.
If you like a quick fix, you will get a quick result. That's given. You really don't mind your happiness wears off with the effects of a cosmetic procedure, or the failure of yet another relationship? Do you prefer short term, superficial satisfaction to a TIMELESS,
deep contentment, irrespective of anyone's OPINION of you?
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2017 Michaela Patel