What is happiness?
It is a feeling deriving from experiencing joy, which fluctuates depending on our FOCUS.
Our focus, and the source of joy, is either our external world, or our internal word. External world is a very FLEETING source of happiness because a lot of what is happening is out of our hands. We may find it hard to accept this as it may bring on feelings of powerlessness. However, with it also comes a sense of relief, surrender. We surrender by accepting that we can hardly have a full control over situations, or people. How could we? Are we responsible for their thoughts? No!
RE-FOCUS comes with a realisation we are only truly responsible for our OWN mind processing.
If we cannot be held responsible for what others are thinking, are we responsible for their choices? Of course not! So how come we made ourselves responsible for their actions at times? How come we believed them when they said: 'YOU MADE ME do that!'
Blame is such an easy way out of owning responsibility for ones actions, for ACCOUNTABILITY. Every time we blame others we point our finger AWAY from ourselves. This quick deflection is much easier to pull off than facing the fact that we may have made a mistake, that we disappointed others....that we disappointed OURSELVES! That we went against who we truly are....
It really starts to rub our wound of not being good, of not being enough.
It hurts! And we will do anything BUT to face the pain.
The bottom line is, until we stop running away from feeling miserable about ourselves, we won't find a sustainable source of happiness - the joy which comes from our inner world, from feeling good about ourselves. It comes from knowing we ARE good - that we ARE good enough, worthy and deserving.
There is absolutely no reason for any human Being to feel unloveable. Everyone deserves to be loved - it is our BIRTH RIGHT!
So how do we access this sustainable well of joy, this unshakable sense of worth? How do we start to believe that we ARE loveable?
We have to heal ourselves....
There is a deep wound inside many of us which makes us miserable every time others are critical of us. Critique can be real, or imagined. Real critique can be constructive, which in fact supports our growth. If we take it personally, we loose! We loose the opportunity to change for better. If critique comes from people who want to purportedly hurt us, then healing our wound is an act of love and protection towards ourselves. Knowing that we ARE good enough, worthy, seeing clearly that we are NOT deserving unkind behaviour, or abuse.
To heal our wound is a win-win situation: We win because we won't be triggered by real or imagined threats of our worth. Others win because we won't take their well meant critique personally, and because our abusers will be taught how NOT to treat us.
But before standing up to others, we need to stand up to ourselves. To our demon of a BELIEF about who we are.
We have to find and break this illusion we created a very long time ago. We have to seek solitude and start an internal dialogue to uncover what we really think about ourselves.
What are we ashamed of??
'Do I believe I am a bad person?' Many will think: 'I have done some bad things to others, I know I did....I AM bad!'
We ARE NOT what we DO! We have done some things which hurt others, we have made mistakes, but that doesn't mean we ARE a mistake!? We all done them - some more, some less, meaning some have learned, yet others are still confused about life, about themselves.
If we accept that we are bad, it will remain our script for the role we currently play for the rest of our life....
So facing who we THINK we are can be a very painful affair. Acknowledging that we have caused pain brings all sorts of uncomfortable feelings to the surface. We just have to go through the notions of our emotional waves, and ride them out. Sit with them, and eventually let them pass.
It is necessary to complete with ourselves by accepting what comes with it, in order to forgive ourselves.
But without honesty, which will helps us navigate through the murky waters of our illusions about who we are, we won't get anywhere. Every single one of us will have to face some rough and choppy currents. But I guarantee you it is worth the effort. Because when you get through the storm of your emotions, the waters will become calm and clear. The sun will come up, and with clarity you will be able to see the reflection of YOU for the first time. You will be VERY CLEAR on who you are. With joy filling up your heart, you will have absolutely no doubt about your worth.
And you won't let anyone tell you otherwise, because this unshakable knowing will become your anchor, completely INDEPENDENT on the weather outside.
If however you decide to cheat yourself, be dishonest with yourself about your feelings, you will continue travel through mist of the illusion of your beliefs, crashing to others, others crashing into you, experiencing pain every time the weather gets bad. And no matter how much you blame others for your pain, nothing will change until you declare the ownership of your responsibility for the happiness you deserve.
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel