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  • Michaela Patel


Why is being sexy so important to us? With the summer in full swing, the layers are coming off whilst the pressure to look hot is on. We are, however, deeply unaware of the self-imposed, destructive link between our image, our power, and our worth...

Many people see their value in how they are performing. At school, at work, in bed. How we 'perform' at being sexy is something I like to talk about. Us humans, we aren’t different from the animal kingdom in that we learn via observation. First the interaction of our parents with each other, then their interaction with the people around them. We saw those we look up to wooing others with a certain level of sexual magnetism which is how our mind developed a direct connection between sex and power.

Little did we know that people played games of winners and losers...

Our society, driven by the advertising industry, is all about the image. We approve (even welcome!) viewing another as a sex object. In our mind we automatically connect our value with our image. The image-sex-power triangle emerges and we are stuck playing a role only to be wanted.

'Am I sexy enough?' we worry. With the power of social media, forget competing on a small scale! We either look the part, or better prepare ourselves for mass rejection.

How many times a day do you compare yourself with others? With a friend, to a stranger or a celebrity? When we look good, we feel good - desired and powerful. But it never lasts, does it? We can go from feeling OK one minute, to feeling really miserable, ugly and weak, the next.

There are too many people competing so if we want to avoid these self-loathing thoughts at any time we have no choice but to constantly look for a confirmation of the opposite. Trapped on a hamster wheel for approval, we seeking our value through being recognised visually and sexually. We dress and present ourselves not to feel good anymore but to impress. We spend our hard earned money perfecting our image whilst the level of attractiveness becomes our currency...

Are we selling ourselves short? Do we mind our expectations of ourselves are totally unrealistic, awfully unkind, and really a huge mistake?

Wouldn’t you want to dress, behave, make love, feeling fearless and content instead of feeling anxious and unsatisfied? Imagine the freedom not caring for anyone else’s opinion but your own. Wow! How would it feel to not give a damn about what others think?

Not that easy? It is because up until now you have exercised going against you out of fear. You have rejected you. You have managed to meet the expectations of advertising companies and their blind followers who managed to convince you that without their product you hold no value. Rest assured, that you are not alone. I, too, had to become present to the two forces behind my choices - love and fear. I had to understand me on the inside, identify my fears, in order to restore my inner strength to question the otherwise overwhelming, false messages coming from the outside world.

Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.

Copyright © 2019 Michaela Patel

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