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  • Michaela Patel



It start with changing the way we see and behave towards ourselves by breaking through the heavy armour of our childhood conditioning.

The saddest thing is that we so often derive our sense of who we are from how others see us. Our value reflects in the money we make, and spend. The clothes we wear, the car we drive, what we do and how we live, the kind of person we are dating (!), is unconsciously driven by our acceptance issues. If others accept us, we can finally feel OK about ourselves, loveable...enough.

If you...

1/ constantly put yourself down for things which didn't work out

2/ compare your achievements endlessly with others

3/ find it hard to forgive yourself for things gone wrong, feeling guilty

4/ don't care about your physical and emotional wellbeing, practicing denial are bound to feel really inadequate! You cannot have any love left for yourself.

Can you magine you do all of those things listed above to your best friend? They wouldn't stick around for long! But you, my dear, are stuck with YOU for the rest of your life...

Who is to love us and care for us if WE don’t? How are we meant to teach others how they should treat us if we treat ourselves poorly?

We so often 'expect' others to provide for us mentally and emotionally because we think we are not able to do so.

We want love, care and respect from others, not being exactly loving, caring and respectful towards ourselves. Consciously we shout 'I deserve to be loved and respected!', subconsciously believing in our inadequacy. Our actions directly reflect what we think of ourselves deep down - not what we LIKE to think of ourselves.

Finding ourselves in an abusive, disrespectful relationship, is simply a reflection of how we abuse ourselves: believing in lies about us, judging and comparing ourselves with others. No wonder we rather live in DENIAL, uncaring towards our feelings. Because due to our false belief about our inadequacy we are in a lot of pain. Which is what we then share with others. We 'bite' at every opportunity, taking things personally. The war on the outside reflects the war inside of ourselves. Our conflicts with others are just a mere reflection of the CONFLICTS which go on deep inside our Selves. The Ego, the wounded Inner Child, the Insecure Self, is against others, as much as it is against our (True) Self. We fight a battle against us, preventing love and peace from entering our life. Sabotaging our attempts to feel loved, cared for and respected, seeking all that we already possess within on the outside...

Healing is realising and PRACTICING the ultimate responsibility: for ourselves. Because really, how can we care for others when we have not mastered caring for ourselves?

EXERCISE: When you catch yourself speaking to badly you, STOP immediately. Change your narrative as you would talk to your beloved friend and the most amazing person you know. With patience, in time, you will catch yourself more often.

As you change the way you speak to you and the love for you increases, you will start to notice the not-so-loving behaviour from others you had not noticed before. As much as it may be challenging to set your boundaries with these people, it is also a positive sign that your relationship with you has changed for better.

Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.

Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel

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