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  • Michaela Patel

SELF-SEEKING


Attention seeking is a common insecurity.

We like to be showered with attention, knowing OTHERS love us. The more attention we seek, the more unhealthy, insecure, we are. We know that much. What we are not aware of is that our attention seeking is really an indicator of how DISCONNECTED we are from ourselves: from our body, mind, emotions, and our spirit. We feel loved only when we are being noticed, attended to and heard, yet we REFUSE to notice, attend to and hear ourselves.

This is also why we don't feel ok spending time alone. We panic in our own company ( that of an ignorant and a traitor ) as the cries of our Inner Child get louder.

To re-connect with YOU, you have to start observing all aspects of yourself: your body, mind and your emotions, and the overall energy - your spirit.

How healthy you are on each of these levels, how balanced these are with respect to each other and to the whole, reflects into the happiness you feel. Your spirit then shines through as the vibe you ooze.

When you are busy, stuck in your mind, caught in the stream of your thoughts, you cannot be attentive to others, nor to yourself. You cannot attend to the needs of your body, nor will you feel what is going on inside you emotionally. You won't notice how your emotional state is affecting your mental and physical wellbeing.

Now listen. We have our mind, body, emotions for a reason ! They work like a clock - in turn, interconnected, affecting one another. In their totality they are energy which keeps constantly moving. The key to living happy and balanced life is keeping in touch with ourselves, and understanding ourselves on ALL those levels. Feeling ALIVE only happens when we keep our CONNECTION to our mind, body, emotions, and spirit alive as a whole.

Sadly, we like to run on automatic, in a survival mode very often. Busy hunting for recognition, achievements, rewards - all fuelled by fear to 'make it' in this world. Understandably, we are tired - mentally, and physically. Our mind is overstimulated from endless thinking, leaving our bodies restless. Naturally, we switch off to a 'cruse mode' whenever we can to save energy.

Do we know that we DEADEN ourselves? That we loose touch with who we truly are in an attempt to escape our existential anxiety towards material security?

Material security feeds our insecurity by seeking attention and impressing others. We kid ourselves that we live full on, 'work hard, play hard' kind of thing. We reap rewards and perks of our daily existence, have money, status, admirers, thinking we made it. Yet somehow deep down this little voice is still anxious, sad, disappointed, hurting...

Do you sometimes feel like that? That empty space deep within you?

Is our anxiety really about 'making it' in life? OR is our material security, just an attempt to escape that little nagging voice within? Because lets be honest, there is only so much we need to truly SURVIVE...

If it was our friend we love very much wanting to be heard, would we ignore her/him? Would we rather have a drink, took a sleeping pill, or made ourselves busy with shopping or work? Would we turn our back on him/her and spoke to someone else??

How loving... I am certain such friend would swiftly move on.

But you are stuck with yourselves for the rest of your life. Now what?!

Should you choose to notice your Inner Voice, try to understand it. Hear yourself out!

OR, continue to run away from it. Abandon yourself. Seek attention from others. Continue to feed that emptiness within with things, or numb it with countless distractions.

Of course we are scared of the cries of our true Self! It is like holding a new born not knowing how to soothe him/her. We had no practice in doing so. But what is the worst that can happen? It may continue to cry, but at least we TRIED, no?

We give him/her attention. Why? Because we LOVE him/her...

If you choose to love you, here is a little exercise on how to attend to yourself on all levels.

One condition: HONESTY. Without it, you are wasting your prescious time.

OBSERVING will snap you out of your 'cruse mode', out of your automatic thoughts. It will shift your focus so that you can notice your emotions and bodily sensations. Remember, if you can observe your emotions/thoughts, you are NOT them anymore. They loose power over you.

EXERCISE

1/ ATTEND TO YOUR MIND

Notice what you are thinking about. Verbalise, or even better, write down your thoughts as they are running through your head. Notice how this makes you feel: name at least three emotions.

2/ ATTEND TO YOUR EMOTIONS

Notice how you feel. For this you may need to learn more about various emotions: SADNESS, ANGER, JEALOUSY, GRIEF, GUILT, SHAME, FEAR, CONFUSION, HATRED, JOY, HAPPINESS, etc.

Notice what you think about your feelings, and how this makes you feel in turn. Again - name it, write it down. Aim to observe without getting caught in endless 'thought - emotion - thought' cycle.

3/ ATTEND TO YOUR BODY

Focus on your breath. This will ANCHOR you in your body, snapping you out of your thoughts. Notice your bodily sensations, heart beating, shakes, goose bumps, feeling in your stomach. Do your feel tension, pressure, tingling, pain anywhere? Observe without engaging in thinking about your bodily sensations.

Authentically ACCEPT what comes along. It's freeing! Emotions won't kill you, and you will find that your fear of feeling them will disappear in time as you learn to welcome them.

Notice how you feel AFTER you've been honest with yourself!

NOTE: Journaling is an amazing way not only to track your progress, but also gain clarity by questioning the VALIDITY of your thoughts, and understanding how you truly feel.

I also find that what I put on paper I clear from my head - less thoughts, more peace.

I challenge you trying it out :)

Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.

Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel

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