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  • Michaela Patel


Updated: Feb 21

A gender is based on physical attributes of a human at birth. Nothing more.

Our physical body is only a vehicle for the amazing plethora of who we truly are, yet we somehow use it as a pedestal and build our whole image on it...

Of course deep down we know that we are more than our outer shapes and sizes. However, on the surface we try to act perfectly in line with our gender roles. Because if we don't, we become the target of those who had to conform deep down hating themselves for their inauthenticity. Sure thing, the negativity of self-loathing must be discharged from time to time. When we encounter men who are more feminine, or women who are more masculine in their expression, we laugh at their differences to shake off our inner discomfort. It scares us as we have not yet had the courage to embrace our own unique nature.

Overwhelming majority of us had been conditioned to be inauthentic based on our assigned gender. When a role is given, a good actor must be convincing. By acting in a way that was asked of us we became someone else in order to survive...

Our early expressions were met with dislikes and put downs. With shame for being our authentic Selves. From being uninhibited by 'How does it look like?' or 'Is it appropriate?' we were forced to become uptight and confused about who we really are. We shut down the part of us which wanted, and needed, to come out to maintain our psyche healthy.

What is masculinity and femininity really about?

In order to free ourselves from the gender concept we must drop the idea that we are experts on how to be that or the other. Because so far the only thing we have truly mastered is fullfilling others' expectations of us.

Masculine and feminine are simply energies expressed through our will. They, together, make up an energetic pool we have available, either we choose to use it or not.

The problem is that our choices frequently collide with our archetypal beliefs:

1. A crippling thinking that masculine equals unemotional and un-empathetic, because emotional and empathetic equals weak.

2. A discriminatory motion that feminine equals lack of willpower and inability to choose appropriately, because strong-mindedness equals rebellion.

Our minds are holding onto a black and white concept of opposite sexes, which forced us into an opposition. And 'When you are fighting a war you better choose your side!' is how we got where we are: trapped in our current situation based on our past choices, wanting to look good and be enough for others.

The level of our self-neglect depends on us knowing the truth. If we are to love and accept ourselves fully we must understand what makes us who we trully are...

Masculine-feminine are complementing energies, in constant flow and in response to outer and inner influences.

We are a very individual energy 'ball' at any point in time. Composed of somewhat different, or what can be described as antagonistic forces. Antagonistic meaning completing. Whole. Keeping us perfectly prepared, balanced, in response to what is happening around us.

We are one with everything, connected with the total energetic field which envelopes us. Any intelligence in this universe, and perhaps it’s easier to imagine this on an artificial intelligence, has an input and an output which connects it with the rest. Similarly human intelligence connects through the power of thoughts and senses. Our input consists of our perceptions, which are driven by the strength of our will, actionable through our body. Action on the outside evokes an inner reaction, which leads to a certain action back, towards the outside. It’s like hitting a snooker ball. (Well not quite, because the energetic composition of a snooker ball is a constant.) We on the other hand, are an ever changing ball of energy. What throws us off one minute, might not throw us at all the next. It depends how energetically prepared we are (our emotional and mental resilience), which in turn depends on how rich is our energetic repertoire (our masculine and feminine energy).

Imagine a man who is going through a process of mourning a loss of his loved one (through a death, a divorce) who has not learned to embrace his full emotional repertoire and who doesn’t have the appropriate skills to deal with emotionally charged situations? Or imagine a single mother who had not learned to mentally and financially cope, making important career and family decisions? Both overwhelmed by fear and shame... their hands tied by their need to fullfil their gender roles, they lack resilience.

We are energetic alchemists. All day everyday we work with, and act in response to, situations and people. resilience is our ability to maintain our inner calm and live in harmony with our surroundings. But to be truly resilient we need both of our seemingly opposite and somewhat conflicting sides at hand. Our mind and our heart. We need to be receptive and reflective. Our power, our will, must be as unhindered as much as our consciousness. We mustn’t be afraid to be accepting, nurturing, as much as provoking to action.

Scientists know that the expression of our genes is moderated by the exposure to our environment. We either adapt, evolve, or end up handicapped. Our traditional view on how a man should be, and what woman should or shouldn’t do, is our energetic handicap. If we are to evolve beyond it, we must embrace our individual wholeness: a unique blend of male-female energy at any given moment which is to ensure we are healthy, intelligent and complete human beings, able to bring up truly resilient, balanced children.

Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.

Copyright © 2019 Michaela Patel

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