top of page
  • Michaela Patel



'You are stupid, ugly, weird...'. 'Your are a failure, a disappointment, a mistake!'.​ Another’s words easily become the daggers piercing our heart, clouding our mind, dimming the light of our soul. The moment we believe what others say about us, their insecurities become our own...

Insecurities make us vulnerable. Weak. Silently killing our joy and enthusiasm for life. Yet, they are just a bunch of learnt lies about ourselves. ​So how come we so readily believe them? Do you know where your insecurities came from?

We either ‘inherit’ our insecurities from those who brought us up via observation (how they react to life), or we produce and 'nurture' these assumptions ourselves (in how we react to life). We witness those we love dearly how they put themselves down: ‘I forgot/missed... am so stupid!’ , I look terrible today!', ‘Life is painful, I can never be happy!’. Verbalising their DESTRUCTIVE inner dialogue their insecurities imprint into our own thought processing, impacting the way we start to perceive ourselves and the world around us. It happens so because we explicitely trust those we love, being open to any suggestions coming from them.

When we are very young our own belief structure is virtually non-existent. One of the first beliefs we form are about those we love, including ourselves. Our belief structure forms in time and builds a fortress around our mind to keep what we believe in, and what we don't out. Sadly a lot of what we learn to know as 'hard truth' is not it. The more we focus on these, the more our reality distorts, allowing more lies in and more truths out...

What happens when we see those we trust being inauthentic, blaming others, not being able to own up to their mistakes and genuinely apologise?

We copy their coping mechanisms, the way they learned to re-act to the outside. Their lies, their manipulative behaviour. You might say 'For sure they are adults, they must know what they are doing?' They know but they aren't aware. Awareness isn't automatic. It is being present to your thoughts, hence choices. If your actions aren't consciously chosen, they are automaticly actioned (!). Driven from your primitive, animal part of their brain, which bypasses your higher, human brain. The part of your brain which allows you to foresee the consequences of your actions in a broader sense and beyond your immediate satisfaction. Unawareness, on the other hand, presents itself as the most basic, immediately self-soothing re-action, ensuring our survival amongst other species. This short-circuiting excludes our empathy, the ability to ponder deeply over situations and make decisions for the higher good of everyone involved, preventing us from being able to make changes in our current way of being.

Are you the victim of ongoing maltreatment from others? Do you understand why? As children, we are at the mercy of others. We look up to them for help, and trust them to keep us safe. Many adults, however, retain this ‘child mindset’ to retirement, allowing emotional, mental and physical maltreatment from their partners in exchange for the illusion of safety. In an attempt to heal our ‘not enough-ness’ and deep sense unloveability, we seek repeated relationship lessons. From a spiritual perspective, the pain of our suffering will eventually wakes us up from our nightmare. We finally realise that our self-devaluating behaviour weakened our sense of worth, distorted our shape. Believing we aren’t worthy of being celebrated, loved and respected, we settled for less. Less than a loving and caring relationship, less than a respectful mutual relating. Our life stopped being a celebration and became a chore...

insecurity quote

An insecure person has a false sense of Self. Typically wanting to fit in with others to gain identity. An insecure child is a ticking bomb, dangerous to his or her immediate friends, future partners, colleagues, and the next generation of children.

Our insecurities turn our higher intelligence off, shutting out our ability to choose the life we deeply desire. Desperate to feel a sense of belonging, we do things to gain the approval of others. Because of our inner self-rejection, we feel deeply unloved. Another's acceptance of ourselves brings on a false sense of love for which we are capable of continuously going against ourselves. Our inauthentic thoughts drain joy from our self-relating, and as an extension from our relating. We feel sad, angry and lonely. Misunderstood. Because very early on we misunderstood who WE are...

Learn more about insecurities from my self-help website in order to heal yourself:

Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.

Copyright © 2018 Michaela Patel

bottom of page