So you like to FIX, change your partner to finally get from him/her what you didn't get as a child - the love, attention and care?
Unfortunately you choose similar characters to those who didn't give you what you deserved: the wounded and desperate Souls in pain. You choose them because the way they treated you is only way you know to be loving. Abuse, unhappiness, drama is what you attract as it is familiar. You do not know that though, and after a string of failed relationships you blame yourself. You think that there is something wrong with you, but there isn't. You are perfect. Yet in the course of your life you never believed it. And that is your ONLY FLAW...
You think that you are unlucky. And you are! You were born to carers who were children themselves, abused by their carers. They were, and likely still are, insecure, able to teach you about your inadequacy as that is how they see themselves. They, too, wanted to fix you so that you don't remind them of their own as every such reminder is very painful.
Whilst immature, the only way we know to get rid of our pain is to hurt others. Because seeing others in pain makes us forget about our own.
Yet forgetting our pain, instead of acknowledging it, keeps us trapped in our karmic cycle. So what now?
We somehow focus on other people's trauma and drama, instead of acknowledging our own. We want to help them, care for them, HEAL them... abandoning, abusing and hurting ourselves in the process. Fixing others pain is a perfect ESCAPE from our own pain, because if it is them who need fixing, we are off the hook. Our insecurities are non-existent as we hide behind serving them. We become the servants of their life and happiness, relinquishing responsibility for our own. Because when things go wrong (and they will!) we can blame another...
What would happen if you stopped living to see their smile and worried more about your own? What would happen if you chose to follow your dreams instead of theirs?
Are you selfish to share your own fulfilment with them, or would you rather let your unhappiness be their burden?
Aren't we selfish sharing our pain, our inadequacy, our insecurities?
An insecure person is a VICTIM of his/her own pain. Victims attract their perpetrators and engage in their long practiced act. No matter how painful an act, because of its familiarity, we engage in it out of fear of something different - unknown. The big unknown here is US. We do not know much about who we are, or how SPECIAL we are. Because if we knew about our perfection and loveability we would stop looking for love in dark places, attempting to fix others to get it.
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel