LOVEABILITY AND WORTH
We often judge, compare and criticise. To make ourselves feel better we put others down. What we don't realise is that we experience instant KARMA...
The moment we start to compare, our mind starts to pick faults and points out shortfalls. We aren't aware that we engage in a SELF-DESTRUCTIVE behaviour as our initial intention for entering this space is to make ourselves feel BETTER.
By judging them as 'worse' (remember a judgmental mind automatically searches for NEGATIVITY) we somehow feel better about ourselves. Inadvertently, our judgment turns against us as our mind manages to find something WE are 'worse at'. We feel miserable about ourselves and our sense of unworthiness deepens - a by-product we haven't bargained for!
When feeling 'not enough', our mind automatically searches for a contest with others we unfortunately end up losing on many occasions.
Lack of self-acceptance comes from self-judgment and leads to a destructive self-criticism. Criticising ourselves we find ourselves UNACCEPTABLE, which prevents us from feeling the love for ourselves.
Our (false) belief in our UNLOVEABILITY then manifests as us acting in ways which express our LACK of deserving - be it love, care, or attention, manifesting itself as an array of SELF-SABOTAGING behaviours:
1/ Attracting and remaining in a relationship with abusers.
We simply do NOT BELIEVE we deserve better. For example we stay in a relationship with emotionally unavailable person who uses our low sense of worth to his/her advantage!
2/ Sabotaging a healthy relationship. We believe others would leave us once they find out about our 'true' (flawed, weak) nature so to stay in control (powerful) we rather push others away.
3/ Putting ourselves down and others on a pedestal. (idealisation)
4/ Becoming servants of THEIR happiness. We believe that they deserve better than us (we become the pleasers, the martyrs, seeing our value in serving their good. We make it our mission to see them smile.
My relationships were all of the above. My sense of worth was below zero thanks to my parental condioning and resulting 'trash relay'. Based on that, and due to the endless comparison contests running in my head, my value was virtually non-existent.
Allowing our mind to judge, we only separate ourselves further from others, and ourselves. By creating conflict within, we distance ourselves from peace and happiness, from our loveability and originality. Words like 'better, bigger, newer, smarter, nicer' , all those ending with 'ER' reliably take us to our 'private court' where we become the prisoner of our own corrupted mind...
DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND STOP THE OTHERWISE ENDLESS CYCLE OF KARMIC PAIN. STOP COMPARING AND JUDGING OTHERS, STOP SUFFOCATING YOUR SPECIALNESS!
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel