TRUE REFLECTION 1
Parenting is very simple. Or it could be, if parents became PRESENT to how they act in the presence of their child.
We think our children ‘have a lot to learn’ from us...
We are so absorbed by correcting THEIR behaviour! We want to look good, because if our child ‘misbehaves’ in public we look like a lousy, incompetent parent.
When we have no control over our off, our childhood wound of ‘not being enough’ is rubbed raw…
We must appear to be the boss to others, often to the detriment of dignity and love for our children. As we put our children down for ‘inappropriate behaviour‘, we bring ourselves down behaving inappropriately.
Child of an unawakened parent (parent who isn’t aware of his/her own behaviour), ends up confused. Because what such parent DOES, and what s/he SAYS, are two different things.
Children are very observant. They haven’t lost the ability to stay present yet. Not being caught up in their thoughts about yesterday or tomorrow, they are absolutely in the moment. Which, for us parents, proves to be very difficult as we are constantly under our children's little radars. Having to plan and organise their day, our brains work overtime filled with the practicalities of life. Worried about our children’s wellbeing we often forget ourselves, teaching our children a lot about self-sacrifice. To our defence, our parents modelled the exact same, so we had no way of learning otherwise. Self-love and self-care wasn’t on display in our, often large, families.
Lets shine the light consciousness into our way of parenting and how this projects into the way our children behave.
1. When we shout, it is as though we are saying ‘It is ok to shout!’ Then, when our children shout we shout back at them, wanting them to ‘Be quiet!'
If we resort to hitting in order to 'remain in control', we teach our child it is OK to hit, it is OK to ‘control' others that way. When they charge against us, having lost it, with their hand ready to hit we say ‘Don’t you dare!’.
We say 'Please listen!' when they are not hearing us, yet when they ask us to hear them, we ’are busy’.
Are we even surprised that our children do right the opposite of what we ask of them, when we demonstrate it is OK to do the things we disapprove of?
REMEDY: When you notice misbehaving, check in with YOURSELF first. STOP doing what your head tells you to do, take control over it! Your fast responses are a learned way of being. It is your childhood conditioning speaking for you! You are essentially ASLEEP.
Be patient and gentle with yourself. You and your child will benefit from learning patience and developing self-compassion. The love and understanding for yourself will increase, and in proportion the love and understanding for your child. Becoming present, making truly aware choices, is a win-win situation!
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel