LOVE-SCAM RELATIONSHIP 1
Do you feel that you are the giver, the nurturer, and your partner the taker?
Is the topic of your conversations often about them?
Do you feel that no matter what you do for him/her it somehow always falls short? Do you feel celebrated at times, made feel million dollars, then suddenly feeling miserable and worthless? Does this pattern fluctuate with your partner's mood? Do you feel as though you are dating Jekyll and Hyde? Do you feel amazing one minute from all the love you are getting, and numb the next, giving you the chills? Does your partner's behaviour leave you often confused questioning your own sanity and sense of worth? Does he/she keep making excuses about why he/she cannot commit to you?
If your answer is YES to some of these questions, know that you could be dating a narcissist, sociopath, or even a psychopath...
If your relationship ever leaves you QUESTIONING where has the perfect partner gone, because their behaviour has gone completely against what you got used to the first few months of such relationship, beware!
ZOOM OUT of an illusion and honeymoon-like period, and really focus on the reality of the present.
Most importantly, BELIEVE what you are feeling and seeing! Don’t be tempted TO MAKE EXCUSES for him/her because of the preceeding fairytale months. Relationships and people are not black or white, good or bad. By focusing on the good ONLY (which is what they like you to focus on BTW), you will completely miss all the RED FLAGS - the stuff which is certainly wrong. It isn't an accident that things went suddenly horribly wrong, that you are left feeling confused and wondering...
Believe me if I say that there is a high probability that who you have known so far ISN'T the 'perfect person' (your Soul Mate, your best friend you clicked with almost immediately, the ONE you have been long waiting for thinking he/she no longer exists) but a perfect scam. An illusionist which has fooled you, who has drawn you in and made you into his/her puppet. Most likely what you see is just A MASK which has started to slip...
Consider that this may be true because you really have NOTHING to lose. Apart from your energy, joy, sense of security, worth, and sanity. It isn't much to lose, is it?
I would like to let you into the mind of a highly manipulative, inauthentic, insecure person.
Firstly, let me tell you that it is extremely DIFFICULT to spot that something isn't quite right the first few months in a relationship with them. They look so genuine! It is refreshing to find someone who just 'gets you', is on the same wave length and can joke around with you. The contact with them is nothing but satisfying, and tends to be quite INTENSE. Even the most skilful of us in reading others (empaths and highly sensitive people) get fooled. Empaths are in fact greatly attractive to narcissits for their nuturing qualities. So please, don’t feel as though you are a failure! The reason behind them being so believable is that they are true con artists. I must hand it to them, they are experts in pretending to be precisely who we want them to be. The masters of deception, doing, saying and behaving exactly the way we like it.
Yes, it seems too good to be true. Which is exactly what it is...
All these people want is to be liked - loved, adored. Why? Because they have extremely low self-worth. Their inner child,has their whole life believed that he/she is ugly, unimportant, and uninteresting for anyone wanting to be with them. Which is why they become such great masters of illusion. Their whole life they practiced and strived to cover up for what they believe they are: INADEQUATE.
They are hiding underneath of the mask of grandiosity, importance and an extraordinary charm. Their tenaciousness to survive amongst the fittest, their 'work hard, be best in as many areas of life as possible' attitude, their reliability and overall likability not only makes them popular amongst others, but it gives the sense of security to anyone who is little insecure.
Believing deep down they are uninteresting, they like to be the centre of attention at parties, gatherings and even during an intimate dinner. They developed certain TRAITS which ensure they will be liked. Like being very interested in others, helpful and funny (which can be borderline offensive as they lack empathy for how they make others feel).
But their willingness to help and support those in need is never without a hidden agenda: they do this to get an EGO STROKE - to feel important, powerful, significant.
You may feel as though they are very supportive one day and almost ignorant the next. This is leaving you confused and questioning literally everything, trying to understand them. Narcissist likes making you wondering - attempting to 'work them out'. It gives them a sense of power over you. The problem is that after wondering about who he/she is, getting nowhere, you tend to re-focus on YOURSELF. By wondering what you did wrong to deserve such treatment from them you enter a very self-destructive and DEVALUATING process, eroding your sense of self and worth.
It is even more confusing after an initial period of ‘love bombing’...
Love bombing is a 'cluster pleasing' by the narcissist, leaving you feel adored and even worshiped. It also leaves you open to, and preparing his/her ground for, MANIPULATION later on. They shower you with love, attention, and care by giving you presents, taking you out for dinner or visiting interesting places. They cook for you. They give you a massage, pamper you at home. Your head is spinning from all the attention, flooding your brain with the 'feel good hormones'. You feel utterly comfortable and content. It seems you found your prince/princess, feeling lucky you managed to snatch them while they were single, wondering why would anyone want to leave them. You feel like you won a trophy and live a complete fairy tale.
You cannot help but fall in love with a partner of your dreams. You get hooked on your newly found DRUG…
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel