Do you feel like the history is repeating itself? Like all those people had some things in common, like you were dating various shades of the SAME person? Like the reasons for failure of all your relationships are far too similar?
When you come to this realisation you have to STOP.
Stop dating. Stop obsessing over being in a relationship. Stop doing what you were always doing which led you to the situation you are in now.
Instead do something entirely different. Something which might NOT feel comfortable, or natural to you: invest your time and effort (you used so far to chase love) into YOURSELF.
Does the thought of this scare you? Do you feel FEAR arising within?
Do you panic about how you will cope alone?
You probably are! But understand this: it only arises because you yourself feel EMPTY inside. There is no one home. No one to care for you. No one to love you. No one to protect you.
It is a very painful and sad realisation. Understand that this is where your sense of loneliness comes from!
Know that it is THIS feeling you were avoiding all along. That you weren't scared of being without a company. Understand that this is your inner child being scared, and crying for attention. Crying for love.
You were that child once. Long time ago... but NOT today! You are an adult, only this feeling hasn't left you yet. Because you haven't confronted this fear yet: you haven't confronted this deep running sense of aloneness. You haven't given yourself chance to question your childhood perception of what being alone means and how it really is.
Looking at it from a perspective of a grown up, perhaps a perspective of a parent, all you need to do is to see this for what it is. It is an IDEA of loneliness from many years ago, which brings on feelings of anxiety today.
So first tell your child it's ok to feel what she feels. Let all those emotions surface. Let them flow unhindered.... FEEL them with all their intensity.
Let your tears flow till the emotional wave subsides...
When you are done you can explain to your child that you are an ADULT now. That you are perfectly capable to care for her, to protect her. That you are her best friend.
When this is done you will feel a sense of relief. Sense of peace...
A new space will open up. The NEW YOU will rise up in this space, stronger than ever before, with a new sense of safety. At this point you come to the realisation that YOU are your primary carer. That you are the new parent of your inner child. That you are solely responsible for her happiness. For her rise and fall. That only you are capable of loving her the way she deserves to be loved....from now on and always.....
.....this is a beautiful start towards healing your inner child.
Welcome:) You are embarking on your journey to self-love!
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel