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  • Michaela Patel


All actions ever taken by humans point either towards love, or the lack of it. The latter leads to hurt rollover for many generations and healing from it equals hitting a jackpot.

Have your loved ones desired to ‘toughen you up' using methods you are still pretty resentful about? They may have proclaimed to want 'the best for you’, yet you didn't seem to ever manage feeling your best around them. At times we realise that the methods introduced to better our life, to make us stronger, have had rather the opposite effect...

In each and every one of us, either we show it or not, resides an Inner Child. Our awareness of its presence and the state he, or she, is in then decides on our capacity for healing. In the process of healing, our ability to make ourselves feel interanally complete then decides on us becoming genuinely happy. Genuine happiness is created internally, being less dependent on outer circumstances. Our ability to feel secure in who we are, without the need to play a role, very much stands on, or falls with, us having a firm inner core. Being anchored in deep knowing that we are equal to others, that we deserve love and kindness and nothing less, requires an ongoing inner work.

Our core wounds occured in childhood every time our needs were left unmet the way we have desired, which made us believe that we don't matter. As a result of these core wounds we live our lives in fear that we aren't worthy. To conceal our anguish, to stop feeling our intense inner pain, we got busy hiding...

Behind the mask of toughness weeps a vulnerable child, alone in a dangerous world and never good enough to be loved by others. He, or she, fears being rejected. Since love was mostly tied with pain, it must be pushed away. Attracting more pain as life goes on, it deepens the individual’s sense of disconnection and inner emptiness. The tough type who fears emotions, the elusive type who fears a committed relationship, the eligible bachelor who fears to surrender, or the CEO who fears to lose. Seeming confidence, outer success, wealth, the aura of having it all, deep down their inner child is terribly scared. By exercing control over others their intention is to escape their worst nightmare - to feel powerless.

As children, these people have been put through emotional hell. Their authentic need for love, safety and security has been denied to them because their parents were busy hoarding power. Depending on where they are on the society ladder, they rinse their children through prestigious institutions in attempt to either maintain a certain status or to remove the embarrassment for their past one. The lack of nurturing had shattered their inner core, their self-esteem had been repeatedly smashed. Pitted against others ever since they took their first steps, their life became a competition. Restlessness and the fear of becoming the second best drive them. The readiness to deceit and manipulate defines the nature of their success as losing equals death...

Considering themselves tough due to the many early painful experiences they endured, they desire to ‘toughen’ their circle. ‘It made me stronger’ is justification for their injustice. ‘Too sensitive, too weak, too happy’... Filthy rich, or poor, no one is spared of making them fit for purpose - sharper. But like with a pencil, all the hurtful shaping is bound to produce smallness. The resulting feeling of insignificance and powerlessness then sets the stage for their future role of the most powerful character in the game. Similar to the forest fires, burning others with the same blast, the spread of pain, scarring the many healthy souls is inevitable. A severally disfigured character with a twisted mind is able to sacrifice everything, including their partners and children should they stand in their way. Punishing others for disobeying by withdrawing their attention, cutting off support, they are capable of disowning the ungrateful. ‘Your life is bound to get much harder without me, let me show you! I cannot wait for you to come crawling back, begging for mercy!’ is what you get for deviating from their master plan and for refusing to conform to their identity. Out of desperation an ostracised character, a black sheep, is born. You will be publicly shamed and humiliated, removed from their circle of friends and family. Punishment after punishment to prove to you that they were right.

Tired of the drama when interacting with these core-less creatures, you have awoken to a realisation that you are wasting your energy on playing a game with an irreversibly damaged mind and that your exhaustion hides a truly invaluable lesson: No matter how much fire you spit, burning those who are already severely disfigured, you can never heal yourself. Realising that your resilience is built from the amount of saved up energy used to repair your inner core, you stop wasting it.

The way I see it, using our intelligence to live our life without learning about ourselves is like growing our muscles without ever lifting stuff outside the gym. An ongoing inner work is a daily fitness exercise which in time restores your integrity. It starts with stretching exercises to restore a balanced view by practicing daily positivity and gratitude for what is working in your life. By having faith in the workings of the universe, the results are bound to repeatedly reinforce your growing belief that in the end all will be well because you are very much loved! This authentic love is then bound to expand into the lives of those you love dearly.

Nurturing our inner children, we are well equipped to nurture the core of our future generations, without the need to strip them of their love for themselves, their dignity, and freedom. To truly meet the needs of others we must be capable of meeting our own. By attending to our inner brokenness we become more resilient as gaining core strength restores our head-heart balance. We become more authentic, kinder to others and compassionate with their brokenness. Recognising our inherent value we become qually compassionate with ourselves. Our love for, and total trust in, ourselves enables us to stand firm and tall against any smallness coming from the outside world.

Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.

Copyright © 2021 Michaela Patel


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