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  • Michaela Patel


What happens when we enter a relationship with a hurting heart?

Do you want to hear the truth? Because I am here to tell you it. I will also explain how true love shows up in relationship and how it relates to compassion.

Believe me when I say that how you feel after a relationship has finished is a reliable indicator of what was present right from the start.

'No, that doesn't sound like my case.' you swiftly dismiss this thought.

Hang on for a moment! What if you allowed the statement above some space? What if you had the courage to question your truth? What is the worst that can happen? What have you actually got to lose? Your illusions?

What if you feel lost (now that your relationship has ended) because you were lost long before you started searching for your (now ex-) partner? What if you feel unloved, empty, now that s/he has left you (or you have left him/her) because you attended your first date with him/her feeling deeply unloved? And now you are hurting because you didn't, after all, find the love you were looking for...

Does it sound a bit familiar to you? ‘No! I have given him/her my everything! My heart and soul I have put into that relationship.’

Let me aks you: Why would you give YOURSELF to that person, to that relationship? What for and what were you looking to get back? Because to me it sounds like a form of SELF-SACRIFICE, an act of desperacy born out of confusion. Not love. Because love isn't a trade of 'if I can get this I can give you that' - that is just its illusion. Your illusion!

‘For sure you give all your love and hope to get love back from those you love? That is what relationship is all about, isn’t it?’

I am afraid, not. Not a healthy one.

In a healthy relationship you DON'T NEED TO GIVE TO GET. Why? Because you already HAVE! Yes. Because you respect yourself, because of all the love you feel for yourself first and foremost, your love is abundant. It is available aplenty because you are your own love-maker. All the love you need is on tap - your tap. Not someone else’s but your own! And because it’s available aplenty you are happy to share. You share true joy. Freely with those for whom love is also abundant. But also with those for whom love is scarce - those who’s love making skills are poor because they do not know how to love themselves. Because these souls haven’t yet discovered how is their self-resentment and self-loathing blocking their love pipes and why has their love dried out. You give them love because you know their hearts are full of hurt. Hurt, you once felt too and understand so well...

Compassion is a gift of pure love born from understanding. Understanding that those who’s hearts are hurting cannot love. From that deep understanding, a love without conditions is born. We don’t say ‘If you love me I will love you. But should you not love me, I will stop loving you.’ No! A compassionate person says ‘I love you because YOU CANNOT LOVE YOU.'

S/he also says: 'I know that the day you start loving you will be the day you will be able to share it with those who need it as much as you right now.’ Has your perception of true love shifted yet? Do you see the very different arrangement and flow?

Could have you been living a misconception of how a truly loving relationship looks like? Do you get that your ex-partner left you hurting with an OPPORTUNITY to notice that you are missing something important? A piece of YOU you were secretly hoping to find in him/her?

The problem with love is we somehow (falsely) believe that we will find someone else, drink from their tap, and feel better. And we may initially feel OK! Eventually, we realise that their tap rather drips love in circumstances we have little control over. After all, it isn’t our tap but theirs... The question for you to ask is ‘How can I start love-making? How can I unblock my own tap?’ Because if you don’t, those who can TRULY love won’t chose you for a relationship of abundant love free of fear, a relationship of EQUALS. Because as it stands, your equal may be a person with an empty heart...

Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.

Copyright © 2018 Michaela Patel

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