MANIPULATION AND RELATIONSHIPS 1
Manipulation is the black magic of relationships. How far are we willing to go in using it determines who tricks who...
Some relationships and friendships are almost magnetic, ADDICTIVE in nature, hypnotising us into thinking we cannot live without them - even though they bring us much pain and sadness.
The toxicity of certain relationships binds us together by its magic powers of enmeshment. The illusion of love, created during the 'GOOD TIMES' (the amazing sex, the entertaining times out, the cool down time, the fabulous holidays), together with their attention and favours, creates a passionate bond we cannot breathe without.
Same kind of passion, however, forces us apart with the exact same intensity at times of conflicts (deeply hurt by what has been said and done, feeling angry and disappointed). Because we hang onto the imaginary POTENTIAL (‘if only we can change this or that about it would be perfect’) and the good bits of such relationship, we find it impossible to leave, unknowingly consenting to abuse and manipulation. We find ourselves in a position where our only desire is to MAKE UP because we simply cannot stand the pain of them, or us, leaving. We simply cannot FAIL... failing to see the damage we are doing to ourselves, our sense of worth.
Having no sense of self, we leave ourselves open to being manipulated by those who took their time to get to know us…
‘WHY ME? What have I done?’ we wonder whilst self-doubt sets in.
Manipulators (like NARCISSITS and sociopaths) often use shame to get us on our knees emotionally, where we repeatedly experience self-blame. This is a skill they practice long enough with themselves deep down - a form of self-abuse. Making US feel BAD, there is only one way we can make it BETTER: to apologise for OUR behaviour. Yes, they alway play on our conscience as the more empathic of us cannot take it anymore. This reliably reverts the focus away from them. Feeling bad about what we did TO THEM we magically forget what they did to us.
Such is the magic of karmic relationship where all that we have in common are our insecurities, and all that is different is our knowledge about them…
Empathic people see the insecurities of their narcissitic partners (their wounds) with more depth and clarity, being compassionate and understading of their wounded nature. This, however, makes them somewhat NAIVE, thinking that seeing their goodness through the lens of their past pain will somehow make them immune to abuse. When narcissit's buttons are pushed, the empath is sure to get a fatal blow to their sense of Self due to the manipulation techniques described above. Without understading themselves (where they are wounded) and the weapons of their opponent, they have no amunition for their defence!
When we have no clear understanding of who we are, and are not, we find it impossible to justify with clarity what we did, and didn’t.
When our sense of inadequacy is firmly attached to how we did them WRONG, we find it hard to accept our mistakes and sincerely apologise without it eroding our sense of who we are (good people). It pains us to acknowledge that we DID bad, if this in our distorted belief system means that we ARE bad. We have not choice but to change our STORY only to look good to avoid feeling our pain.
Our victim does plenty of justifying to our friends and family to seek VALIDATION. It needs to hear 'you have done nothing wrong'.
We do this because that one person we certainly cannot justify our actions to is US. Because deep down we know full well what we did…
(continue to part 2)
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Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel