HEALING YOU 1
There is a conscious AND subconscious STORY we hold about the circumstances which led to us believing in our inadequacy. And they are both FALSE! Curious...?
The key to healing is understanding.
I like to make sense of things. I believe that for every cause there is an affect, and for every effect there is a preceding cause...
When we really get that we believe on some level that we are 'not enough' for others to love us, that we are in some way IMPERFECT, we can begin to heal. The key to our healing is understanding where have our limiting beliefs come from.
Our starting point is to truthfully ACCEPT how we feel about ourselves deep down. We must sit with those feelings, allowing them to surface. If we somehow argue with this truth, we miss the opportunity for healing altogether.
The next step of our healing process is to, honestly and with curiosity, question everything about the relationship with our parents. The way they treated us and what we made it mean is our clue to why we thought of ourselves badly. Because the same way they treated us, we subconsciously treat ourselves...
What our carers' behaviour MEANT to us is our self-created emotional wound.
Self-created because no matter how shockingly BAD others were/are towards us it does not have anything to with us, but them and their unresolved hurt from their past. We only made their behaviour a reflection of WHO WE ARE. This is our wound as much as how our predecessors treated our parents is theirs. Unknowingly (like our carers) we look to heal our pain in our relationships. Self-sabotaging ourselves however, not only because we enter a relationship 'emotionally handicapped', treating ourselves with the lack of self-love, suffering from low self-esteem.
Our handicapped nature (due to our childhood beliefs we hold about ourselves AND our parents) works against us because:
1/ we have NOT understood what drives us to be in a relationship and how wounded we are.
2/ the kind of partners we seek (are attracted to unknowingly!), are similar to the IDEAL of our parent of opposite sex.
You may think 'Oh that's rubbish, my partner is nothing like my mother/father!'
But we oftentimes don't see our parents clearly in many respects. We have overlooked some of their qualities, not understanding their wounded nature. As children we refuse to acknowledge they would want to hurt us. It is unacceptable for us to think that someone who is meant to love us would want to cause us pain. But they would and they did. And so do our partners...
Our carers treat us based on their past wounding and resulting insecurities, causing us unknowingly wounding similar to theirs. (Read more about UNAWAKENED parenting and how karma really works.) We therefore choose similar types of people to be in a relationship with because:
1/ we consider this kind of treatment loving.
2/ although it is painful, we find it familiar, as that is all we know.
3/ unknowingly we hope to finally heal our hurt by deserving love from similar types of people.
Continue to part 2.
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel