Do we owe our parents?
How much of OUR LIFE do we have to give, to pay off our deeds to them for bringing us into this world?
Yes, they have given us the gift of Life. They have brought us up, fed and entertained us. They cared for us and taught us so much. Of course we ARE grateful, but....
Is giving life to a child an investment for which parents should expect back? If so, where is the limit to what can be asked of us?
Lets clarify one thing. Have WE asked them to bring us into this world? No, it was purely THEIR decision.
So what is behind this decision - what was their INTENTION for having us in the first place?
In search for parental intentions we should question: 'What is asked of us in order to repay them?'
Most parents ask for respect, love and care - they ask us to treat them the way they treat us. They have taught us how important it is to know who we are, how important it is to listen to ourselves - our feelings and our gut. They have guided us in finding our talents, and supported our dreams in order to achieve them. They have made it clear that WE are the only people responsible for OUR life. They encouraged open discussions, in which they taught us to trust ourselves to choose a life we are passionate about. They never asked us to make them happy, because they knew that what we DO cannot change how they FEEL deep down about themselves. They modelled to us that happiness is no one else's responsibility but our own.
Quite a different story are parents who made us responsible for their happiness.
Such parents asked for obedience. They encouraged 'do as you told' attitude, and punished any rebellion by sending us on a 'guilt trip' about how ungrateful we have been towards them. THEY chose university for us, they told us what job would suit us well, they asked us to take over their business, because they 'KNOW US', because they 'don't want us to suffer like they had to'.
So what were their intentions for having children?
Their parents had them. Their neighbours, and all families in town had children. They wanted to fit in with the rest of the society, culture. It was a tradition to have children at a certain age. 'It is what you do, right? Our parents had us, we had you.'
They had us because they kind of HAD TO? Because that is what their parents did?
And because they had to, WE HAVE TO as well? We have to obey because they had to obey?
Were we even born out of a conscious choice? Were we born out of free will?
FREE WILL to give life to another without expecting back?
Or were we born out of need to repay back the Life that has been given to us?
Were we born out of NEED for one's happiness, as a source of unfulfilled dreams?
They tell us to listen and not interrupt, yet they don't listen and interrupt us.
They ask us not to be angry, yet its is ok for them to be angry at us.
They tell us how WE should feel when THEY pick our career, or a spouse for us.
They choose OUR life for us and we should be grateful to them??
Because they worked hard to make sure we won’t have to struggle like they did?
Because their parents couldn’t afford to pay for a university they wanted to study? Because their parents chose a job for them they hated? Because their parents told them who they should marry? Because their parents pretty much chose life for them?
Our parents might say: ‘We obeyed our parents because we had no choice!’
Yes, they were victims of unaware parents in unaware times. They got hurt by people who were blinded by their own pain and unfulfilled dreams.
It was a violation of their rights to freely choose THEIR life!
...which they now carry on with their children because they seek peace....
So for HOW LONG will this cycle continue?
Who will free us of this selfish parental intention which has been passed on over many generations? Who will free us of this TRADITION? Who will free us of this trading business of
'I have given you life so you have to live it the way I desire'?
Questioning and awareness can free us. Pain gives birth to pain again if we don't acknowledge how much we were hurt.
We must question our traditions in line with our evolution.
Traditions are a great way to carry on with what has served us well for generations.
Unfortunately, it also keeps the evil alive: it keeps our emotional wounds alive, it enables the pain of to go on. The pain of a child who has been brought into this world having to sell his/her Soul to fulfil someone else's dream. Living in regret that her/his true gifts cannot be realised, feeling more like a passenger on her/his journey, perceiving life a burden without a choice...
Do you feel as though you live someone else's life?
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Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel