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  • Michaela Patel


Have you ever felt pain in connection with love ? Would you say that 'LOVE HURTS' ?

If your answer is YES, I dare to say to you that you do NOT know what true love is....

To get a completely fresh perspective and for the purpose of this reading try to let go of what you 'know' about love. Try to remove the filter of what you learned about it so far. Forget all those romantic expressions and symbols of love in countless movies you watched. Disregard what your own parents modelled about how love looks like - good or bad. Try to tune out of all you have FELT so far with respect to your partners which made you think that you are an expert on love...

What if I told you that love isn't a feeling?

How do you feel about that?? Confused? Outraged? Disappointed? Relieved?

What if I told you that true love is a conscious choice?

That it is a state of mind, like peace or happiness. That true love is an attitude based on our choice at any given moment - to love, or not to love. To be happy, or to suffer. To act from who we truly are, or to act from who we are not.

The intention behind our choices depends very much on our AWARENESS. Our choice is either conscious ( we know why we choose to love ), or subconscious/unaware ( we THINK we know why we love ).

UNCONDITIONAL, true love doesn't ask anything of us. The intention of such love is pure GIVING. And because it ISN'T dependant on any external factors but OUR attitude, it cannot leave us with a change of the wether outside.

Conditional love, on the other hand, wants and needs; it heavily depends on, and fluctuates, with external influences.

We feel momentary negative emotions at times towards those we love unconditionally, but those emotions have NOTHING TO DO with our love, which is ever present !

Take our children for example. We chose to love them from the moment of finding out about their existence. We can feel angry or outraged by them, yet the love we have for them won't ever go away. Why ? Because we chose to love them the moment they were born - as they were - without any expectations, any conditions. Our love is pure and nothing negative can ever come out of it. Nothing. No pain or abuse.

Same applies to our relationships we choose to have with others, and of course with ourselves....

If we base our choice of loving someone ( ourselves ) on our REACTION to the outside circumstances, our choice to 'love' is very much based on our needs and wants, on conditions. Expectations of others, and ourselves, which we may not even be aware of.

A subconscious REACTION is right the opposite of a conscious CHOICE.

Reacting means we have NO IDEA what is going on; we only know we are IN IT, because something more powerful than our conscious mind is in charge. Reactive 'choice’ originates from our emotional wounds, which are stored in our subconscious mind. Our wounds are our insecurities, our trigger buttons, causing PAIN every time they are pushed.

Since we largely operate from subconscious part of our mind, reactively, we do NOT really have a choice as such.

.....Until we get to know ourselves.

Our subconscious is the part of us which is ‘asleep’. Unaware, quite robotic, predictably reacting to our triggers. Somewhat like our reflexes do, with only difference being that we were NOT born with them hence we can alter them.

How ? By bringing our awareness into our reactions. Because unless we observe our automatic behaviour FROM THE OUTSIDE IN, we won't be able to understand what we do and WHY. Only by observing our actions, we can illuminate the darkness of our subconscious with the light of our consciousness. By having our own 'surveillance camera' on, we can rewind and pause the movie of our past actions.

We can pause the part we do not quite get, and question 'why did I do that?' 'What did I think I get out of it?' We can really slow things down, particularly in parts where things happened really fast, so that we understand the events and their consequences. In slow motion we can see our triggers clearer, including our emotional states prior, during and after we took action. We can COPY this part into our memory, and when faced with similar story line in the future, we decide if we like to play that role again. If we like to follow the same script, or if we play a role which is carefully chosen this time around. Role which brings different overall feel to the one we weren't proud of. Role which ideally comes as close to a true representation of who we are. And THAT is awareness.

So how do we know what love is when we are living life HALF ASLEEP?

Do we know ourselves enough ? I don't mean our personality, or what people say about us. Not even what our parents told us about who we are.

What if I told you that you are love??

Because when you choose to love, when you act from love, it feels right. It feels honest, authentic, true.

Your attitude of standing up for what feels right for you shines light into the darkness of confusion about who you are. It injects lightness into your whole Being. Which in turn gives you the confidence to stand by your choices. You feel empowered and calm. Compassionate. Content and wise....

Now, from holding this experience of empowering, calm contentment, can you reflect back onto the 'love' which HURTS? The love which brings resentment, disappointment, and suffering? Remember all the drama which made you feel out of control, crazy, powerless?

Do you think that you may have got it wrong?

Do you think you may have misunderstood how love truly feels? That you may have misunderstood yourself??

Do you think you may have been SUFFERING because you were living up to just a CONCEPT of love? That up until now you were chasing this feeling of being 'in love' not knowing that all you have to do is to get to know yourself better and make a conscious choice? That unless you choose to love YOURSELF without conditions (!) you wont know how love truly feels? That unless you truly love yourself any expression of love from you is just one big LIE?

Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.

Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel

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