top of page
  • Michaela Patel


Number one HIDDEN INTENTION driving our behaviour is to feel accepted.

Remember those first achievements and failures at school? Remember our parents telling us that we are good only when we did something well? Were you spoilt when you performed to your carers liking?

Are you aware that your life is driven by the shadow of your unfulfilled childhood NEEDS?

When growing up we were told how we do at school, or during certain activities (our achievements), are the measure of our personal VALUE. We were shown, by our unaware parents, that if we aren't good at certain subjects, their displeasure is somehow connected to their love for us. We grew up thinking that the rise and fall of our LOVEABILITY depends on our performance.

This of course wasn't true!

Our parents loved us exactly the same from the day we were born, irrespective to HOW and WHAT we did. They loved us when we couldn't even talk or take ourselves to the toilet, so how could their love cease with us failing a test, or being naughty?

We didn't know, however, is that our parents were battling the exact same demon: the lack of WORTH.

Without clear guidance, without their reassurance of their love for us, IRRESPECTIVE OF HOW WE WERE BEING, we automatically assuemed that our value depends of our 'good behaviour'.

Our parents couldn't give us such reassurance simply because they have been brought up to believe that their value is depending on them performing well. Hence they took our failures personally. Our lack of success whilst in education, us failing to find 'the right' partner or a 'better' job. Having no sense of INTERNAL value of their own we represent the ADDED VALUE of theirs.

If one's value isn't FELT on the inside as a source of unconditional love and acceptance for oneself, s/he sources an added value externally.

This is why we seek 'trophy partners' (the gorgeous wife, the rich/succesful husband), why our children 'must be presentable and well behaved' when out and about, and of course why we display our possessions for others to see. Feeling unworthy it becomes less painful for us seeing others succeed where we didn't...

Truly worthy people don't try to change others, because their value is independent of anyone else. Certainly independent of other's opinion of them. Feeling their true value interanlly makes them feel genuinely content. It is the possession no one can take away it from them!

Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.

Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel

bottom of page