THE INSECURE JUDGE
First mirrors, dated to around 6000BC, were just polished pieces of volcanic stones. Manufactured glass mirrors first appeared in Venice in 16th century, and they were extremely expensive luxuries. Although modern mirrors are not costing us a great deal, there is a hidden PRICE we pay for cultivating our image.
Seeing our reflection, focusing on, and identifying with, our image, has created a great distance between who we think we are (our image) and who we truly are. Not only we disconnected from ourselves, but we also use mirror as a tool for daily self-abuse. You know what I am referring to, don’t you?
We push ourselves into oblivion of comparison, self-judgement, critique and self-loathing. Away from self-acceptance and self-love. The ‘HOW DO I LOOK?’ question, we re-play many times a day, has disconnected us from our souls. It deadened us as how we look is more important to us to how we feel. Plus we self-hypnotised ourselves believing in 'looking good - feeling good' equation - the fake concept of happiness.
So why are we so harsh on ourselves, disliking things we cannot change, hating ourselves for things which make us unique?
We fell in love with an illusion, with an image in our minds, and rejected the reality...
Whenever we look at certain features of ours we compare ourselves against the younger Self from the past. Or hating our curves, we are comparing ourselves against someone else - either a model, or a friend, or an illusionary person existing only in our mind. I mean WHY? Why are we NOT celebrating reality?? Why are we so wanting to be someone else? Who is to blame? You might say 'media, other people, modelling industry, etc.' But you know who is truly to blame?
Yes, granted, they are the result of our upbringing. But blaming others for the 'trash relay', hating our previous generations isn't going to get us anywhere. Why? We would waste our energy we need to use in a direction of HEALING our insecurities, our wounds. You may be really angry at your folks, and acknowledging that you got hurt is a necessary step towards healing. But! If you get locked in an endless hate cycle, your emotions will get stuck. They will start to cause more damage to you, and you will deepen your wounds even further.
Firstly, we have to awaken to the falsity behind perfecting our image. We cannot avoid the discomfort of criticism/judgement from others by being MORE perfect! Let me tell you something. No one can be perfect ENOUGH for those who are feeling bad about themselves. Do you know why people compare, criticise and judge? To feel better about themselves. And why do they feel bad about themselves? Because the same way they criticise others they criticise themselves.
We cannot avoid being judged by others no mater how 'perfect' we are in comparison to OUR ideal. So lets embrace the discomfort of being judged, because it happens all the time!
Secondly, we can use the mirrors in our homes to our advantage. How?
Let's make our reflection into our friend. Not an enemy. Lets re-create the relationship we have with ourselves from that of self-judgement to that of self-love. From that of criticism to that of a celebration. From a lie to the truth…
Practically, next time you look at your reflection, become present to your mind's comments about it. Recognise they are not yours and say to yourself: 'STOP! It is my old tape playing. Lots of rubbish, not even mine!' All you need to do is to replace it with a new one. How?
Look at yourself with a new set of eyes. With curiosity. Be nice to yourself in your thoughts. 'What do I admire, cherish, love about me? What makes me unique? What am I grateful for?’ Pay those GENUINE compliments aloud to yourself. This can be anything you like about you - not just your image! You are re-programming your thinking to 'seeing glass half full’ rather than empty. Also you are re-connecting to who you truly are - the curious and loving energy. Remember you are talking to your Inner Child - be patient, take your time. Be kind. Make your self-talk interesting and exiting! Being the healer, the new parent of your Inner Child, is a great responsibility and pleasure.
Turn your self-loathing ritual into a celebration. Celebration of your originality and loveability :)
Thank you for reading. If my article contributed to understanding yourself, please be generous and share it with others.
Copyright © 2016 Michaela Patel